Some time ago there was a person on a NLP training who had a very unusual habit. Every time she was talking with someone, she would keep looking away after making eye contact for more than a couple of seconds. A lot of people thought that she just wasn’t interested in speaking with them and some people thought she was quite rude.
She came and spoke to me about it. This had been a habit that she had had for only a couple of years and she had been having problems recently in job interviews where nobody seemed to want to employ her.
Part of her reason for attending the NLP Practitioner training was to improve her communication skills to help her with her job interviews.
During the course we talk about some of the Presuppositions of NLP – convenient beliefs that are useful paradigms to operate from.
On of these NLP Presuppositions is ‘the Map is Not The Territory’. When we started to discuss this, she had a major revelation about her unusual eye contact. She said she had seen a television show about relationships and some ‘expert’ had said if you make eye contact with anyone for more than 5 seconds, it is a sign you fancy them. After hearing this she formed a belief about the negative consequences of making eye contact and she developed a habit of avoiding prolongued eye contact because she believed that people would think she fancied them.
After exploring the presupposition that ‘the map is not the territory’ she began to realize that this was a belief that most people didn’t have and that eye contact could mean many different things.
Even by the next day she had transformed her communication and could easily maintain eye contact during a conversation and had built several good friendships on the NLP training.
NLP is a wonderful way to learn how to change limiting beliefs that might be holding us back. Our next NLP Practitioner training is between June 13 – 19 in Islington, London – see our website for details.