Posts Tagged ‘self-talk’

Secrets of communicating

Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

NLP is all about communicating. In communicating with other people, the way you say it is the difference that makes the difference.

What is the real difference between average communication and excellent communication?

It’s commonly thought by most people that excellent communication is all about the words that you use.

Yet, the words are only a small part of communication.

So that’s one part of communication – what’s the other?

It’s all about the way you say it.

I’m sure you’ve experienced a salesperson who clearly didn’t believe in the thing they were selling, but was determined to try to convince you that something very average was actually worth buying?

Was it the language that they used that let you know they didn’t believe it?

That’s not it, is it?

It’s all in the way they say it.

Salespeople may know the most excellent lines and words to sell their products, however the words don’t matter if you don’t put it across it in the right way.

It’s all about the other elements of communication – voice tonality, the physiology and all the other non-verbals.

If you don’t get those correct, it’s finished from the start!

The deep principles to successful communication are how you say it AND what you say!

Take leaders – what makes an excellent  leader? You might say it’s about having intelligent and great things to say. However in reality, a leader could be the most intelligent and well meaning person in the world, but if they talk in a monotone and look at the floor the whole time, no one will want to listen to them!

They have to put the message across in an compelling and believable way also, or people will turn off!

Similarly, the message also should be well written. A really average message said with conviction still won’t do the job either – although unfortunately even an average message said well will tend to win over a great message said badly.

So how can you increase your cability to be great at communicating your message?

These are a few important steps:

1      Know your outcome – if you want people to really relate to your communication, you need to have a very clear vision. Having this very clear vision will develop your charisma as a leader

2      Believe totally in your outcome / message / or service. If you don’t believe in your outcome, people will pick up on it, and they’ll switch off to your communication – it’s really that simple!

3      Write out the basics of your message and tell it to people you trust. Ask them for feedback. The journey from being mediocre to being great is about learning from feedback and getting feedback from people you trust to be honest is a great way to develop this skill.

Attending an NLP course is also going to help with your outstanding communication skills. To build your confidence, hypnosis is also a way many of my clients have succeeded powerfully.

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How to make affirmations work

Monday, June 14th, 2010

This NLP blog is about the power of affirmations

Many people use affirmations or have at least heard about them. Some people find they are great, other people only seem to get average results. What makes affirmations work – or maybe an important question is ‘do affirmations really work?’.

It’s easy to dismiss something if it doesn’t work at first, but sometimes things that really work can take a little while to practice.

Affirmations can be very effective, as long as you follow some of the rules for designing and using them.

What is an affirmation?

An affirmation is saying something like ‘I am confident’ repeatedly to yourself.

It is a little like making a suggestion to yourself. Effective suggestions work by really being able to accept them, so if you really don’t believe it, they won’t work as effectively.

Another thing that’s important is to say the affirmation in a way that sounds like you believe it. If you say ‘I feel confident’ in a weak and feeble voice, it won’t be that effective. If your outcome is to build your confidence, say it as if you believe it (just pretend you do if you don’t! – It will make a big difference!).

Using suggestions may take several weeks of consistent use before they become effective. However with practice they can really become powerful. You can even have a massive influence on your physiology. I used to get nose bleeds that would last for hours, however now I can just suggest ‘the bleeding is stopping’ and a nose bleed will stop within seconds. This can take a lot of practice, but it’s worth the practice to get amazing results.

So here are some steps to follow to create effective affirmations to help you achieve your outcome:

  • Consider your outcome carefully
  • Write your affirmation – make sure you state it positively – what you want, and not what you don’t want. It’s easy to know what we don’t want like ‘I don’t want to be anxious’ but when you say this, you have to focus on the thing you don’t want.
  • State it in the positive, for example ‘I feel calm and confident’
  • Stand in a physiology that matches the affirmation – if it is about being confident you may find it helpful to stand in a way as if you are confident.
  • Say the affirmation out loud in a voice tonality that matches the affirmation. How would you say it if you really believed it? This can really make a different. Repeat it 10 – 20 times.
  • You can repeat this many times throughout the day – keep doing it for several weeks

The more you do it the more effective it will be

For affirmations to become incredibly effective, you really want to build upon your ability to communicate with your unconscious mind.

A really great way to develop your unconscious communication is to learn NLP or hypnosis. I regularly see clients for hypnotherapy in London, and they can achieve amazing results when they develop their unconscious communication.

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A personal development blog on positive intention…

Monday, June 7th, 2010

If behind every behaviour is a positive intention is true, then how come people engage is so many unuseful behaviours?

How come so many people seem to do things that harm other people or themselves if there really is this ‘magical’ positive intention lying behind their actions?

Well there is a big difference between behaviour and positive intention.

All day long we engage in behaviours – behaviours are basically actions, communications, even the pictures we make in our minds, the things we say to ourselves and everything else.

Now we might see someone we like and want to say something nice to them, so we say ‘you look really good today’. Now let’s say they have just had a piece of really bad news delivered to them earlier about a genetic skin problem, to them this ‘compliment’ might be taken as a painful reminder that their looks are not going to last.

The intention was to make the other person feel good, however the behaviour itself might have resulted in the opposite effect.

Behaviours really are separate from intention.

Take an example of a parent who constantly shouts at their children, telling them they are not good enough.

Just for a few moments, consider how on earth this could have a positive intention?

Well, the parent might really actually care deeply about his children but believes that if you just praise people they will never put any effort in to be as good as they can be, so his model is to give them a hard time to try to motivate them into working harder and being the best they might be.

To most people the behaviour would not be interpreted as ‘positive’, but the intention behind it would certainly be.

This also doesn’t justify behaviour – much of the time we aren’t aware of the positive intention behind our behaviour and we just act in ways that don’t seem all that positive. Shouting at people probably doesn’t get the best results for them, even though at an unconscious level this might be the positive intention.

However the only way to really deal effectively with behaviour is to become aware of the positive intention that lies behind it.

Once we are aware of that positive intention, we can acknowledge it and find a better way to achieve the positive intention.

So think about a behaviour you engage in that you don’t really like that much – for example smoking, over eating, drinking too much…

Take a little time to ask yourself ‘what does that do for me?’

If you’re not sure, then just take the first response that comes into your mind.

Often the real intention is at a deep unconscious level and you need to tune into it.

Just acknowledging the positive intention is a powerful start.

Much of the time we try to ignore the things we don’t like about ourselves and by doing so we give them more power…

Take time to tune into what really is going on inside and this itself will help you to change it.

Learn NLP on an NLP Training to find out more about positive intentions and how to change behaviours.

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Shhhh…this NLP Blog could make you healthier!

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

In this NLP blog, we are going to talk about the power of the mind body connection.

Don’t tell the pharmacy companies, but NLP could improve your health!

Most people have heard about the mind-body connection, however how many people have really experienced it.

As a quick experiment, try this out.

Ask someone to stand up and hold one of their arms out straight to the side. Tell them you are going to try to push their arm down and they have to resist. Before you do this, ask them to think about someone they really like and keep thinking about that person as they resist you.

Then get them to relax their arms and once more put their arm out to the side. Now ask them to think about someone they really dislike and try to resist you as you push their arm down.

Which was more difficult? Pushing down the arm when the person was thinking about the person they dislike, or the person they like?

For most people when they think about someone they dislike, the arm becomes easier to push down.

Whatever we think about has an effect on our physiology. That is a powerful learning for many people on an NLP training. When we are thinking about things we do not like, we have more tension in our bodies and even different chemicals produced internally. When we do not like something and we have more tension in our bodies, it will drain energy more quickly.

When people learn NLP they learn to be more in control of their emotions. Of course, even an NLP Master Practitioner will not just turn off emotions with the click of a finger – when things happen we all respond emotionally. But if we are left with emotions for too long, it is useful to be able to do something about them – that is where NLP can help – the things people learn on an NLP training will have a major influence on the mind-body connection.

So learning NLP could make you healthier and also happier!

We have an NLP training starting in June – join us and experience change at the deepest level!

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Stop the chatter…

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Do you ever have a problem with negative self-talk? You know, when you do something and a little voice says things like ‘you shouldn’t do that…you can’t do that….’

Internal dialogue is something that causes a problem for lots of people. NLP offers some great ways to help turn off the chatter.

It is almost impossible to directly turn off the self-talk – some people learn meditation for 20 years to try to do it, and even then it doesn’t work.

Some ways to quieten it down include:

  • Jamming it
  • Distorting it
  • Listening to it

In the next NLP blog we will explore some of these techniques that people would learn on an NLP training.

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